“What’s this?”, I said, a bit confused -
I clicked on someone’s name,
and with my psyche slightly bruised,
I guessed this person’s game.

A ploy to sell some shady pills,
to my friends and similar folk -
as if the cost of our own bills
was not making us broke.

“It’s not a human being at all,
it’s just a script on cron!”,
my I.P. bans would barely stall
the bullshit these things spawn.

Do note, I use Akismet much,
and yes, it works, a lot -
and quite a bit of spam, as such,
is by Akismet caught.

Yet this is one persistent bunch,
these scripts with no AI,
despite my heavy server crunch,
they’ll post until I cry.

So I took my very last resort,
(censored tools) and DNS,
and broke into their :80 port,
the rest is yours to guess.

Note: This is actually what I did this weekend. Inspiration.

Those of my readers who seek purpose in life should leave now. Unless you specifically seek sense in nonsense and the answers in the incoherent babbling of madmen. If that is indeed the case, you are welcome to read this post and leave a comment on it (or not).

I am trying to write a post, and I have nothing to write about. Therefore I have assigned one of my neurons (call him Joe) to go down to the nonsensical-story department to get me something. While we wait, I recommend listening to the Song of the Week. You don’t have much time though, brain signals are fast. I was able to type this only because Joe is a retard among his kind. Ah…Joe’s back. The story of the day, then, is…”Genesis”.

Here is how it begins:

Once, long ago, when the fabric of time was just a thread waiting to be woven and space was just infinite darkness, there was an all powerful being. The powers of this being consisted of being able to create worlds and creatures.

This being was, understandably, not content with existing in darkness with a thread to play with, so after he had woven the thread into a quilt so gigantic that even the infinite space wasn’t able to contain it unless it was folded over many times (it was shifted into another, fourth, dimension to make space for other things to exist), he had only one desire.

To create sentient beings.

So he labored many days to create a world full of different creatures. Although the being had sewed the quilt of time, he was lacking in the skill to make clothes, therefore all his creatures were naked. So he gave them a layer of fur to protect them from the weather. All except humans. Especially human females. Because this being had modeled humans upon his own appearance and was female.

It/She could not bear to look at fur clad humans because this would protect them from the elements and thus eliminate the possibility of sentience or free will because all of the humans’ needs would have been taken care of.

It/She had made a tree, which had an apple on it.

This apple was destined to fall on the head of a man named Isaac Newton, so it/she forbade the humans from eating it (but the other creatures were allowed to eat it, they didn’t because it was a perfect world and no one was hungry. Except the humans because they needed to have free will).

Alas, one day, a snake coaxed the humans into eating the apple. After that they knew about gravity and everything that was not supposed to exist until the time that the apple fell on Newton. The all powerful being was very angry.

It/She sent the humans to the moon where there was no atmosphere, so that they could die. It/She sent the snake too, but it couldn’t die (because it was a perfect world and no creature needed to breathe, except the humans, as they needed to have free-will). But the humans were now clever after eating the apple, and they discovered gravity many times on the moon until there was enough to create an atmosphere so they could breathe.

Then the moon was called the Earth and the Earth was called the moon, so the humans were now on Earth and the other creatures were all on the moon (except the snake). And the moon was bigger than the Earth before, so now the Earth was bigger than the moon.

Then, in an unexpected fit of cruelty, the all powerful being put all the creatures from the moon (the perfect world) on the Earth so that they became mortal and dependent on the surroundings. It/She also made it so that the snake needed to breathe, but made a mistake so that now it could not smell but had to taste the air instead.

All the plants and stuff was also moved, and the original Earth (the moon (the perfect world)) was left barren. It/She also made craters on it so it would lose it’s perfection.

Now the humans were happy because they had free will, and the all powerful being was angry when he saw this. So he made a sun and stars and planets and cosmic debris, and said “One day, one of these will kill you”.

And now, the scientists say the sun will kill us.
The astrologers say that the planets are already killing us.
Hollywood says that asteroids/meteorites will kill us.
Some people say they died because aliens from the stars killed them.

That is the end of the story, if you want to know what happened after that you can look to history. Mythology has done what it can. Joe says he has also done what he can, but he cannot die because he knows that there will be no one to replace him. It is a pity, really. ]]> http://www.argee.org/old-blog/7-days-to-go/feed/ 5 http://www.argee.org/old-blog/the-einstein-and-the-eddington/ http://www.argee.org/old-blog/the-einstein-and-the-eddington/#comments Thu, 02 Aug 2007 15:24:00 +0000 RG http://www.argee.org/general/the-einstein-and-the-eddington/ The sun was setting on the links,
The moon looked down serene,
The caddies all had gone to bed,
But still there could be seen
Two players lingering by the trap
That guards the thirteenth green.

The Einstein and the Eddington
Were counting up their score;
The Einstein’s card showed ninety-eight
And Eddington’s was more.
And both lay bunkered in the trap
And both stood there and swore.

I hate to see, the Einstein said;
Such quantities of sand;
Just why they placed a bunker here
I cannot understand.
If one could smooth this landscape out,
I think it would be grand.

If seven maids with seven mops
Would sweep the fairway clean
I’m sure that I could make this hole
In less than seventeen.
I doubt it, said the Eddington,
Your slice is pretty mean.

Then all the little golf balls came
To see what they were at,
And some of them were tall and thin
And some were short and fat,
A few of them were round and smooth,
But most of them were flat.

The time has come, said Eddington,
To talk of many things:
Of cubes and clocks and meter-sticks
And why a pendulum swings.
And how far space is out of plumb,
And whether time has wings.

I learned at school the apple’s fall
To gravity was due,
But now you tell me that the cause
Is merely G_mu-nu,
I cannot bring myself to think
That this is really true.

You say that gravitation’s force
Is clearly not a pull.
That space is mostly emptiness,
While time is nearly full;
And though I hate to doubt your word,
It sounds like a bit of bull.

And space, it has dimensions four,
Instead of only three.
The square of the hypotenuse
Ain’t what it used to be.
It grieves me sore, the things you’ve done
To plane geometry.

You hold that time is badly warped,
That even light is bent:
I think I get the idea there,
If this is what you meant:
The mail the postman brings today,
Tomorrow will be sent.

If I should go Timbuctoo
With twice the speed of light,
And leave this afternoon at four,
I’d get back home last night.
You’ve got it now, the Einstein said,
That is precisely right.

But if the planet Mercury
In going round the sun,
Never returns to where it was
Until its course is run,
The things we started out to do
Were better not begun.

And if before the past is through,
The future intervenes;
Then what’s the use of anything;
Of cabbages or queens?
Pray tell me what’s the bally use
Of Presidents and Deans.

The shortest line, Einstein replied,
Is not the one that’s straight;
It curves around upon itself,
Much like a figure eight,
And if you go too rapidly
You will arrive too late.

But Easter day is Christmas time
And far away is near,
And two and two is more than four
And over there is here.
You may be right, said Eddington,
It seems a trifle queer.

But thank you very, very much,
For troubling to explain;
I hope you will forgive my tears,
My head begins to pain;
I feel the symptoms coming on
Of softening of the brain.

I didn’t exactly make it from scratch, just a matter of cutting and pasting and a little pixel art on game screenshots. I have seen these kind of strips before so it shouldn’t be a problem calling it a “comic”, heh.

I wonder if I should start a separate blog for these:

So evil was this creature that at the merest whisper of his name, even the toughest of Neanderthals hid in their caves, under rocks and whatever cover they could find, including under leaves (Unfortunately, this is not a joke. One ill-fated man was found hiding under a maple leaf which, as you can guess, was very much inadequate to hide him). Those who passed under his shadow and were spared by his evil designs were left paralyzed in fear for the rest of their lives, which were shortened quite a bit from gazing upon the creature. His blood-curdling cries from among the hills alone were responsible for innumerable deaths of all kinds of flora and fauna. No animal with a sense of smell keener than a monkey was able to survive the poisonous stench of his being.

What creature could be so horrible, so evil, so devastating? It was none other than the cousin brother of Jesus Christ, the Devil. This is not known by many, but just as God had sent his son to save everyone from damnation, Satan had sent his spawn to ensure the very fate for mankind (I should also mention, God and Satan are blood brothers). While the prehistoric christian Neanderthals debated conversion to Buddhism, or even Islam, their fate was fast approaching.

As soon as they had realized that neither Buddhism nor Islam had been founded yet, and considered the fact that God was probably still angry about the whole tree-of-wisdom issue, they decided to pursue the only logical course of action they could think of. They formed a hunting party to take the Devil down.

Sadly, this plan fell through when the brave hunters forgot to plug their ears and became victims of, no not the Devil’s screams, but of yet another song by the ancestor of William Shatner. With the failure of their plans and no hope in sight, the Neanderthals withdrew to their sad, damp dwellings to await death at the hands of Satan’s offspring.

Oh, but they had no idea…

To Be Continued ]]> http://www.argee.org/old-blog/overlord-your-master-not-your-god-part-1/feed/ 1