So I have 7 days to go before I leave.

Those of my readers who seek purpose in life should leave now. Unless you specifically seek sense in nonsense and the answers in the incoherent babbling of madmen. If that is indeed the case, you are welcome to read this post and leave a comment on it (or not).

I am trying to write a post, and I have nothing to write about. Therefore I have assigned one of my neurons (call him Joe) to go down to the nonsensical-story department to get me something. While we wait, I recommend listening to the Song of the Week. You don’t have much time though, brain signals are fast. I was able to type this only because Joe is a retard among his kind. Ah…Joe’s back. The story of the day, then, is…”Genesis”.

Here is how it begins:

Once, long ago, when the fabric of time was just a thread waiting to be woven and space was just infinite darkness, there was an all powerful being. The powers of this being consisted of being able to create worlds and creatures.

This being was, understandably, not content with existing in darkness with a thread to play with, so after he had woven the thread into a quilt so gigantic that even the infinite space wasn’t able to contain it unless it was folded over many times (it was shifted into another, fourth, dimension to make space for other things to exist), he had only one desire.

To create sentient beings.

So he labored many days to create a world full of different creatures. Although the being had sewed the quilt of time, he was lacking in the skill to make clothes, therefore all his creatures were naked. So he gave them a layer of fur to protect them from the weather. All except humans. Especially human females. Because this being had modeled humans upon his own appearance and was female.

It/She could not bear to look at fur clad humans because this would protect them from the elements and thus eliminate the possibility of sentience or free will because all of the humans’ needs would have been taken care of.

It/She had made a tree, which had an apple on it.

This apple was destined to fall on the head of a man named Isaac Newton, so it/she forbade the humans from eating it (but the other creatures were allowed to eat it, they didn’t because it was a perfect world and no one was hungry. Except the humans because they needed to have free will).

Alas, one day, a snake coaxed the humans into eating the apple. After that they knew about gravity and everything that was not supposed to exist until the time that the apple fell on Newton. The all powerful being was very angry.

It/She sent the humans to the moon where there was no atmosphere, so that they could die. It/She sent the snake too, but it couldn’t die (because it was a perfect world and no creature needed to breathe, except the humans, as they needed to have free-will). But the humans were now clever after eating the apple, and they discovered gravity many times on the moon until there was enough to create an atmosphere so they could breathe.

Then the moon was called the Earth and the Earth was called the moon, so the humans were now on Earth and the other creatures were all on the moon (except the snake). And the moon was bigger than the Earth before, so now the Earth was bigger than the moon.

Then, in an unexpected fit of cruelty, the all powerful being put all the creatures from the moon (the perfect world) on the Earth so that they became mortal and dependent on the surroundings. It/She also made it so that the snake needed to breathe, but made a mistake so that now it could not smell but had to taste the air instead.

All the plants and stuff was also moved, and the original Earth (the moon (the perfect world)) was left barren. It/She also made craters on it so it would lose it’s perfection.

Now the humans were happy because they had free will, and the all powerful being was angry when he saw this. So he made a sun and stars and planets and cosmic debris, and said “One day, one of these will kill you”.

And now, the scientists say the sun will kill us.
The astrologers say that the planets are already killing us.
Hollywood says that asteroids/meteorites will kill us.
Some people say they died because aliens from the stars killed them.

That is the end of the story, if you want to know what happened after that you can look to history. Mythology has done what it can. Joe says he has also done what he can, but he cannot die because he knows that there will be no one to replace him. It is a pity, really.